Attn: World
Subject: Breaking news development
After extensive research and hypothesizing, new information has come to light regarding the Balloon Boy "hoax" that we all apparently fell victim to. Someone with the intellectual caliber of ours could not possibly believe the nonsense that a Falcon, posing as a boy, supposedly floated away in a giant UFO, even in the good name of the sacred art of Meteorology. Only later was it known to the masses that it was yet another in a string of crass and ugly attention demanding publicity stunts, like Kathy Griffin or the Noble Price. And with that knowledge, the great people of the Unity States upchucked like a woodchuck would (if a woodchuck could upchuck).
This story has not sat right with me since I first heard it come across my fiber-optic ticker tape. With great analysis and care, I have uncovered the truth beneath the "hoax". Actually, that's not true. I did not uncover the truth with great analysis and care. I did it with one brain tied behind my rucksack. I will say this: whoever has fallen for the "hoax" that this was indeed a "hoax" needs to get ready to have their figurative socks blown up, literally.
The Intellectual Trio has uncovered indisputable and undefinable evidence that this "Balloon Boy" stunt was actually the work of a group far more menacing, more conniving, then the master mind who began the cookie selling pyramid scheme at the Chief Connection. The first clue is in the tagline that the media has adopted: Balloon Boy. Let that sink in a moment. Isn't it plain to see?
Balloon Boy is our culprit, the initials of which are BB. What famous film had those same initials? That is right: the "Blues Brothers". The star of the "Blues Brothers”? None other then John Belushi. The cause of John Belushi's death? Drugs. Take a nanosecond and put the few over-sized foam jigsaw pieces together yourself; what is this kindergarten? You wish!
This was not about craving attention, or the desire for a reality TV show (speaking of, call us whenever you want, TLC, we're ready). This family had actually built a prototype for a weather balloon shaped rocket that could fly drugs to the moon. That's right. Moon shot, eight ball style.
The moon is a largely untapped market for drug dealers. Very few people have found a cost effective way to shuttle narcotics to residents of the moon, notably Mark Cuban. Some people think there is not a large demand for drugs on the moon, but I, the Intellectual Trio know for a FACT that if you build it, they will come. This evidence may not seem concrete at first. But what is concrete made of? Many small bits of rock and sand, with magic to hold it all together. Clearly.
I am sure that eventually more mainstream news outlets will pick up this story and run, nay, sprint with it. Just remember that with this, and with all of our information, you will not hear it anywhere before you hear it from the I3O.
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