Profiles In Intellectualism: Ray Nagin, Mayor of New Orleans

This weekend represents so much to Americans all over America. For once Friday and Saturday pale in comparison to what Sunday brings. People throw caution to the wind, even though the wind couldn't catch a slant pass if it lined up in the slot while the defense blitzed weak side. These morons look forward to staying up far too late, eating too much, drinking too much, and feeling like garbage when the alarm goes off on Monday morning - pretty similar to the regular weekly Intellectuarium happenings. The Super Bowl is a sporting event with no comparison. Well, it's sort of like Golf's Masters, without being totally boring. Or maybe it’s like Game 7 of the NBA Playoffs, except played with a football instead of basketball. Or like the final game of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, except it will always occur on a Sunday! And the World Series isn't a sport (unless you're talking "- of Poker"). The Super Bowl of the NFL is like no other sporting event on Earth, or any other Earth for that matter.


Alleged mayor of New Orleans, Ray Nagin, seems to fully understand the importance of this game, what it really represents, and demonstrates a solid understanding of numerology. This article can be referenced for more details. The Intellectual Trio has always looked at numerology as being the most accurate of the -ologies. (What has biology taught us that we didn’t already know from 10th grade biology?) Our unending wit and brainpower, along with a TI-82 calculator and in depth analysis of numerology have led the Intellectual Trio to correctly pick the winning numbers for 798 of the last 799 lottery drawings. (Our only inaccuracy was for the North Dakota Hot Lotto, which further proves North Dakota may in fact be some sort of South Dakotan Landfill.) Mr. Nagin’s quote about the importance of four leading to a Saint’s victory is something students will be writing theses on for years. These theses will be completely and totally important, and read by many people. You may have heard that three is a divine number but as the Intellectual Trio demonstrates, four is the ultimate power number, vide this life-altering equation: 4=3=1. The i3O would not want to give away the outcome of this Super game and blow the Vegas sportsbook line so we will let you see how it plays out for yourself, but understand our prediction will prove 100% true, no matter the outcome.


Beyond the mayor's numerology expertise, he also goes on to predict what will happen after a Saints victory. The celebration will be an all out bender with mass consumption of all forms of alcohol known to man, and a few that aren’t. What he doesn’t say, but can be predicted is that if the Saints do not win this game there will probably be an all out bender with mass consumption of all forms of alcohol known to man, and a few that aren’t. We are talking about New Orleans, in the middle of Mardi Gras (French for "show us your taters"). In any event, it will be a scene that can only be rivaled by the i3O's daily lunch hour.


If more mayors were this honest, I think you would see a new found respect for all elected officials. If there is going to be political reform in this country, we think Ray Nagin is going to be the man that puts it into action. Hurricanes can’t stop him, the Super Bowl can’t stop him, not even Kanye West can interupt him! This man is unflappable. In fact, when you people name us King and Ultimate Sovereign of these Untied States, you will see Mr. Nagin sitting proudly, back straight, some four rows behind us (which would be three rows behind Cheri O'Teri and Teri Hatcher (co-Secretaries of National Teri-ism).