I want a simple tattoo that is patriotic and honors the founding fathers and their ideas? I was thinking something like the year the constitution was completed or maybe one of their signatures? Any other ideas?
-Steph(:
Great idea. Tattoos are important - the means to communicate birthrights, prove heroic deeds, convey cosmic destinies, and, occasionally, show off some really cool wizards and black lit unicorns. While the Trio is covered with tattoos, new and old alike, we are always dismayed at the unoriginal and, frankly, unpatriotic tattoos we see on a daily, even hourly basis. Does this make us an expert on tattoos? No, but does being an expert in everything make us an expert in tattoos? Yes.
The year the Constitution was completed (as opposed to the year it was began) is a poor choice; that number, lost to the legacy of sand and time, would confuse most tattoo-readers and would certainly lack the emotional slap to the jowls you are looking for. This goes doubly for signatures – they could easily be forgeries. Best, as always, to speak in pictures. This probably wouldn't surprise you, but our patriotic tattoo is the perfect patriotic tattoo – you can see the original sketching below.
It behooves us both to point out that it is impeccably patriotic to have a patriotic tattoo. Therefore, according to the Inverse Mutually Exclusive Theorem, it is impeccably TREASONOUS to not have a patriotic tattoo. Arizona might be off to a rocky start; if you really want to keep America free -shoot on sight anyone without a patriotic tattoo.
Why does my cat love to be petted very rough? Here are the traits of my cat if anyone can psychoanalyze them: My cat loves to be petted very roughly, like against the fur, sharp brushes, even pushed down. If I don't pet her this way she will push against my hand very hard. My cat meows and claws my leg to get me to pet her in this manner. My cat is old, 10 years. My cat has gone threw many truamatizing experiences, such as flying on a plane and having her sister cat be eaten by a coyote. My cat sniffs and closes her eyes when in the bright sunlight. (This one really confuses me) My cat drinks from the sink always. She will meow loudly until I turn it to a drip for her. My cat has 2 other cats and a dog in the house. My cat is rather smart, and can open screened doors.
- Jake
Let's recap: This cat can: open doors, fly on planes, drink from a sink, and is a pet owner? Recall all of those different times that you told people that you were an only child? I have some strange news for you, Jake. You lied. This ten year old is no cat, but in fact, your sister.
Usually, we would inquire on the birth order, but your sister is clearly displaying some younger sibling tendencies. She desperately needs your attention, hence the meowing and clawing. This is also why she likes to be petted very roughly; doctors that I have invented all claim that most masochists are, in fact, younger siblings. If you are uncomfortable with your sister's fetish, I would suggest bringing her around the appropriate nightclubs and basements to best introduce her to people that will use sharp brushes, even pushed down.
Finally, my condolences to you for your other sister; getting eaten by a coyote is a painful and miserable death, and rarely talked about in this country for reasons – an explanation of which will have to wait for another day.
What would you like to ask? Roosters. How do you get rid of a rooster without being cruel? My neighbor mistakenly was sold a rooster egg instead of a chicken egg and now would like to give up the rooster. Anyone out there interested?
-C
Getting rid of roosters is nigh impossible. Since you've never tried, I'll give you some advice about what not to do – no one has yet figured out the impossible.
- Don't raise the rooster as if it was a child of your own loins. While roosters can pass for humans well into puberty, at this point, the common rooster will have the strength of five or seven human 12 year olds and a furious reaction to its interspecies upbringing. How do you think Columbine happened?
- Don't fry it into an omelet – a severe bout of lupus will result.
- Leaving it in the woods seems like a good idea; except that rooster eggs look remarkably like dinosaur eggs. Again, having a rooster raised by other species, even as wise or noble as the modern triceratops, will only result in bloodshed.
- Dumpsters are already overcrowded and rooster eggs are the only non-biodegradable egg in existence; if you're not part of the solution, you're probably throwing away rooster eggs.
One possible solution: while rooster eggs are not biodegradable, they are regular degradable – make fun of them at all times; perhaps the rooster egg will simply leave on its own accord, tired and frustrated at being the butt of so many jokes and put-downs. Let us know how it goes, so long as its done intellectually: with a control group, lab coats, copious use of Bunsen burners as well as magnifying glasses.
